The Faith That Built Me

I went to the cemetery yesterday. I hadn’t planned on going until a song came on the radio. The artist sang of the home that built her and how touching that place might heal her. Lately I’ve been missing my grandparents. I’m sure some of that melancholy stems from the dreariness of the season, but for the most part, I wish so much that they could witness me at the happiest point in my life. As a child, I was often sad, and although I thought I hid it well, my grandfather would often slip into my room and throw out small hints of encouragement. As a teenager, that sadness turned me into a recluse and ultimately into a person who was cynical in regards to human nature. That cynicism grew and forced barriers as strong and biased as the Berlin wall to rise, thus distorting any previous chance I might have had at trusting mankind.  My grandparents always shared words of wisdom in an attempt to reassure me that, although life was full of trials and tribulations, the reward of simply living was enough to overpower all suffering.

It’s funny that it took me so long to understand the message they were trying to convey. In fact, it seems that many messages in regards to faith seemed to have gotten lost in translation along the road I travelled. I suppose that happens to most people, but after having felt the dichotomy of the before and after, it all seems so obvious, and, therefore, I find it almost comical that I was so blind to what was evident all along.

Yesterday, the cemetery was no longer a realm of sorrow and seeing the names of my grandparent’s and Kevin’s dad etched in stone didn’t render me into depression or regret, but instead, I felt an overwhelming sense of peace.  Five months ago I would have wept, but as I stood there, I thanked all three of them. I simply let the west Texas wind carry a long overdue message of gratitude to the two souls who built me, and the one who helped guide my soul mate to me. Unlike the artist strumming her guitar, I have learned that inanimate objects such as that grave where the shell of our loved ones once lay are not what give us strength, but instead it is through the faith by which those loved ones lived that we have been given the gift of love here on earth.