Nothing In This World Worth Having Comes Easy

Kevin and I decided to get married. Well, we had actually decided that our first weekend together, but neither of told the other for fear that we might seem a bit too eager. He, being the true gentleman that he is, knelt before me and spoke poetic words as I sat on a bench in a flannel shirt and hat. In my life, I had never felt more beautiful. In my life, I have never felt more at peace.

Unfortunately, the visits are becoming more and more difficult since we have progressed in our relationship. Well, I should rephrase and say that the ends of the visits are becoming more and more difficult. Several times in the last few weeks I have had to remind myself that I cannot dwell on the fact that Kevin and I live hundreds of miles apart, and that that aspect of our lives is somewhat cruel. I have had to remind myself on Sundays, when Southwest is summoning me, that I am not some lovesick teenager; although I will admit, standing in the security line at the airport with roped walkways and overbearing TSA employees often reminds me of the barriers placed upon me as a teenager.

Kevin is amazing. He is addictive. He is like that first taste of flavored coffee after having only ever tasted your grandparents’ Nescafe on family vacations. How any human in this world could have ever overlooked his kind-spirited demeanor is beyond me.  Selfishly, I am glad some have. I am glad my heart’s vision wasn’t completely skewed the day Kevin and the babies entered my life.

Because everything is so right when we’re together, Kevin and I have developed this game. I have compared it to the intensity of Russian Roulette, in that, we come up with these perfect scenarios, and then, after we’ve created a much easier realm than the one that is our reality, we dredge up the reasons why those scenarios are irresponsible—those reasons hit us every time like a surprise bullet in the chamber of the gun called life. Yet, after every visit, we play the game again, perhaps trying to convince ourselves that a flawless relationship is simple and without suffering.

That is when God has to intervene and remind us that nothing in this world worth having comes easy. Some wealthy philanthropist once said that, and it’s been verbally plagiarized many times, but I’m pretty sure the Lord planted that quote in the heads of us all in order for its true meaning to sprout at just that perfect moment in our lives. For me, this is that time. However, being terribly cursed with analytical views of just about everything that grows in my head, I am having a hard time keeping that notion alive. I blame distance.

With that said, we are counting down the months, days, and hours until our family is all under one roof. Until then, I am sure we will shed many more tears and question the miles that separate us. We will torture ourselves and then accept reality all in the same sentence. We will pray for miracles from God and realize that we’ve already received the greatest one. We will live in each other’s hearts because unlike our temporary homes, those are permanent and constant. We will love each other unconditionally and be grateful for that opportunity.